


Disclosed

by ordinaryorbit



Series: Feelings [5]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Coming Out, Developing Relationship, Grammar Kink, Light Smut, M/M, Nipple Play, because they're nerds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-09-05 19:50:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16817299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ordinaryorbit/pseuds/ordinaryorbit
Summary: Sonny and Rafael come clean.





	1. Chapter 1

Barba was driving Sonny crazy. In the short time since they had started this furtive thing between them, the ADA had become obsessed with creating plausible deniability. 

Plausible deniability as to the existence of their own relationship, that is.

They had come to a mutual decision to wait a few weeks before officially disclosing, in order not to rush into things publicly. In the meantime they had to avoid creating any impression of a conflict of interest.

Which was all well and good, but Barba was taking it to an extreme.

When they met up for a late Sunday breakfast, Barba brought a casefile with him to the diner. He proceeded to practice trial testimony with Sonny over eggs and hash browns, in order to make their date appear like a working brunch.

"You look nice today," Sonny said a bit nervously after the waitress had brought their dishes. He still wasn't used to the idea that he could now compliment the ADA. But Barba looked uncharacteristically soft in a fuzzy woolen sweater, and so he couldn't resist.

"Why thank you." Barba seemed pleased at first at the compliment, but then looked around warily, as if someone might have overheard. "You, um, look especially presentable today as well, Detective."

Sonny let out a laugh as he kicked Barba's foot lightly under the table. "That's all you got for me, Counselor?"

"I'm sure I'll have plenty of nice things to say to you when we're alone," Barba said as his foot rubbed Sonny's ankle in return. "But for now . . . " 

Barba turned back to the casefile open before him on the tabletop. "The defense counsel will ask you on the stand how you knew that the severed penis belonged to the victim. Are you prepared to answer that?"

Sonny nearly choked on his omelet. 

Suffice it to say, it wasn't the most romantic meal.

A week later, Barba made them make out to CNN, so that their evening could accurately be characterized as "catching up on current events."

Anderson Cooper's measured tones provided an incongruous backdrop to the moans that came from Barba's sofa. 

Until Barba pulled away from kissing Sonny's neck to glance at the screen. "Hey did you catch what they just said about that Supreme Court case?" he asked while reaching for the remote and turning up the volume.

Sonny just groaned as he flopped back against the sofa. 

Barba was leaning forward now, intently focused on the legal discussion playing out on the television. "This law professor they have on is one of the best Supreme Court oralists there is."

"Is he really more interesting than I am right now?"

"Hush," Barba said while swinging a finger out to rest haphazardly against Sonny's lips, eyes still glued to the screen.

Sonny responded by sucking the finger into his mouth. He smirked around it at Barba's gasp, before drawing off with a loud pop.

"Well I may still be just a law student, but I can guarantee you my oral skills are much better than his." Sonny paused a beat to let it sink in. "Get it? Oralist? Oral skills?"

This time it was Barba who groaned. "I got it Carisi, that was just a particularly egregious pun." 

"Yeah well you can't deny that my egregiousness has got you all hot and bothered imagining my oral skills, am I right?"

"Come here, you." Barba turned back to Sonny, finally, and pulled him in for another kiss.

A few minutes later, it was Sonny who pulled away. "Can we turn the tv off? I don't want to have to keep sharing your attention with Anderson. Besides, no one else will ever know whether we actually spent the evening watching the news or not."

Barba pursed his lips. "But I'll know. I can't lie in court when I'm inevitably asked about the status of our relationship before we disclosed. If we leave the tv on, I can accurately say that we hung out watching television as friends."

"Oh so you usually stick your tongue down your friends' throats?" Sonny asked as he pushed Barba back towards the armrest. After arranging the ADA against the sofa cushions just how he wanted him, Sonny settled himself on top. 

"I don't think you answered me Counselor, did you?" He punctuated the question with a gentle bite to Barba's earlobe.

"No - _ah!_ \- I didn't."

"Well?" Sonny sucked on the lobe now, soothing it, before giving another bite.

"I - _ah!_ \- I don't usually stick my tongue down my friends' throats."

"Then I think you're splitting hairs here, Counselor, if you really think you can classify tonight's activities as anything other than a make out session."

"It's called being a lawyer, Carisi, you should try it sometime."

"I think I will, one semester and four credits from now."

"I look forward to seeing that."

"Yeah I'm sure," Sonny replied a bit dismissively.

"Hold up." Barba reached a hand up to cup Sonny's face. "I'm being serious about that part. I'm proud of you for making it through law school."

"Oh. Thanks." Sonny closed his eyes in embarrassment at his mistake. "I guess I still can't tell half the time if you're being sarcastic or not."

"Carisi. _Sonny._ Most of what comes out of my mouth is sarcasm. But I am genuinely happy that you'll be graduating as a lawyer, whether you decide to practice or not. And I have so much respect for you for accomplishing this. I'm sorry if I left you in any doubt of that."

"Wow, that um, means a lot to me." More than Sonny could articulate out loud. "Especially coming from you. Don't feel sorry about it. I'm sure there'll be lots of opportunities for you to make it up to me."

And with that Sonny leaned in to kiss Barba again.

After the CNN evening, Sonny decided that enough was enough. He texted Barba:

_We need to come clean. Whatever else we try to call it, we're clearly in a relationship. It's not viable to hide it anymore._

In less than a minute, a message came back:

_Agreed. Let's set up meetings with the EADA and with Liv next week._  
  
A shiver of anticipation ran through Sonny, a combination of excitement and nervousness about the disclosure ahead. But he had no doubt about his reply:

_Yes._


	2. Chapter 2

Even though Sonny had been the one to suggest that it was time for him and Barba to take the leap and disclose, he found himself prickling with nerves as he waited outside the precinct. 

He began to pace back and forth, counting cracks in the sidewalk. Anything to keep his mind distracted.

"Imagine meeting you here."

Sonny looked up to see Barba in front of him. "Hey. How did it go with the EADA?"

Barba gave a noncommittal shrug. "Well enough, though he seemed a bit annoyed that my personal life is causing him more paperwork."

"What did he say?"

"That there will have to be restrictions on which cases you can be on and which cases I can prosecute. They'll probably put me on some non-SVU cases as well. So it's nothing that was unexpected."

"Wait a minute, part of your caseload will be non-SVU now? I didn't realize that might happen. That's a big change for you." 

Now Sonny's insides were churning for an entirely different reason. Was this fair to Barba? Would Barba resent him for these changes?

"Maybe I'm - I mean maybe it's not worth it, to have such a big change to your job."

Barba raised an eyebrow, as if the idea were preposterous. "Carisi, the chance to explore this relationship is worth it. You're worth it. I don't take decisions lightly, and so I considered all the consequences to disclosing. Besides, I'll still continue working with SVU."

"Ok," Sonny said, nodding. "Well it sounds like the EADA took it pretty well then."

"Yes, except at the end he made a snide comment. How he should have known about me, what with all my pink ties and suspenders."

Sonny frowned. "I like your pink ties."

"So do I," Barba replied, smoothing a hand over the burnt orange one he was currently wearing. "But that doesn't mean everyone appreciates my penchant for pastels. I learned that truth from my father a long time ago."

"He didn't appreciate it?" 

"He enrolled me in Little League is what he did about it."

"Ha! Little League, the great straightener of men."

"As if. I had my first kiss behind the bleachers. With the opposing team's pitcher no less."

Sonny rocked on his toes as he let out a whistle. "You've been holding out on me Counselor. I expect you to catch me up on all the juicy stories about young Rafael Barba."

"Only if you fill me in on young choirboy Sonny Carisi. But later. I think that right now we have an appointment with Liv, yes?"

"Yeah I told her I wanted to meet with her this morning."

"How are you feeling about this?" Barba asked as they entered the building.

"I'm fine," Sonny replied. If he said it was so, maybe it would be.

"Your hands suggest otherwise."

Sonny looked down to see both the left and the right visibly shaking. He curled his hands into fists to try to calm the tremors. "I'm fine," he repeated, less convincingly this time.

"Come on, let's talk a bit more before we do this," Barba said in a low voice before steering Sonny by the elbow towards the cribs.

Blessedly, the room was empty.

"Hey, are you ok?" Barba asked with concern.

Sonny ran a hand through his hair. "I guess I thought it would get easier with time, but it still makes me anxious."

"Coming out?"

Sonny nodded. "It's stupid. I mean, my family and friends all know, so this shouldn't be a big deal. And you just came out to the DA's office without being a nervous wreck."

Rafael reached out to brush some imaginary lint from Sonny's suit jacket before smoothing and adjusting his lapels. 

"It's not stupid to feel nervous, Carisi. Besides, being out in the NYPD is a whole different animal. And then there's the fact that you don't wear pink."

"Well, duh, the color washes me out." Barba should know that. "But I don't see what that has to do with any of this."

"What I mean is, I think our disclosure is going to end up being more revealing about you than me to our colleagues. We don't have to move forward with the disclosure, Carisi," Barba said, eyes searching his. "Not if you don't want to."

Sonny shook his head. "No, I want to. I want to be with you, without having to sneak around or feel guilty when we spend time together."

"Ok then." Barba nodded resolutely. "Sit down."

"What?"

"Sit down." Barba gestured at the cots.

Sonny sat on the nearest one.

Barba began to pace in front of him, like he did in court when he was posturing for the jury. "What is your full name?"

"Excuse me?"

"I said, what is your full name?"

Sonny decided to go along. He didn't have much choice, really. "Dominick Carisi Jr."

"And are you both a detective and an almost-lawyer?"

"Erm, leading question?"

Barba tilted his head, considering. "Hmm, yes it is, but the Rules of Crib Court permit it. So, are you both a detective and an almost-lawyer?"

"Yes."

"Do you overcome your fears and put yourself in dangerous situations to help other people?"

"Well yeah, but it's just my job."

"But is it correct that you routinely exhibit bravery on behalf of others?"

"I guess."

Barba stopped in front of him. "You're a strong person Carisi. Do you think you can be brave for yourself this time?"

"I think so," Sonny replied. "I want to."

"You know that Liv is going to look out for you. And within SVU at least everyone will be fine."

"Yeah I know. I mean, Amanda's been fine about me being bi ever since she found out about us."

"Wait, wait, hold on." Barba held up his hand. "You already told Rollins about us?"

"No it wasn't like that," Sonny hastened to explain. "She figured it out on her own, that night at the bar."

"So that's why she keeps smirking at me lately." Barba sank down onto the cot across from Sonny. "Good God that's why she asked me the other day whether I've tried your cannoli yet."

Sonny let out an involuntary guffaw. "What was your reply?"

Barba reddened at the recollection. "That you hadn't offered it to me yet, but when you did I would certainly like to try it."

"Well that sounds accurate," Sonny snickered.

"Highly embarrassing is more like it. But I'm glad that you find my predicament so amusing," Barba said dryly.

"Hey it's my predicament too. Amanda has already teased me about our relationship. But don't worry, she's teased me about my relationships with women as well, so it's not like a gay-specific thing for her."

"Great, she brings equal-opportunity inappropriateness to the workplace," Barba muttered. "In any event, I guess this is another reason to move forward and get everything out in the open. Let's do this." He stood up and squared his shoulders.

"So the feel-good-about-yourself pep talk is over then?"

"I don't think you deserve any more of the pep talk."

"Hey I already told you, I didn't tell Amanda," Sonny said in mock protest.

"Well it must still be your fault somehow that she figured it out," Barba threw over his shoulder as he walked to the door.

When Sonny didn't follow he held the door open, gesturing towards it. " _Come on_ , Detective."

"Ok ok. Just don't expect to be the one giving orders tonight," Sonny said pointedly as he got up. 

It was almost imperceptible, but Barba's body twitched slightly at the words.

Feeling emboldened, Sonny leaned in to whisper in the ADA's ear as he passed. "You liked that, did you?"

Barba opened his mouth, but only a wheeze came out.

"Answer me."

"Yes."

"Hm, I'll keep that in mind. Come on, Counselor," Sonny called out as he continued onward.

Moments later, Sonny found himself knocking on Liv's door.

"Come in Carisi. Oh hi Rafael, I didn't realize you were paying us a visit today. Carisi wanted to chat with me about something, so would you mind waiting outside? We can catch up after."

"Actually I asked him to be here," Carisi said. "If that's ok."

"Of course," Liv said, though she looked puzzled by the whole thing as Sonny and Barba sat themselves down across from her.

"So what's up Carisi?"

Sonny smoothed his hands over the tops of his thighs. _You are both a detective and an almost-lawyer._ "I wanted to talk to you about something kinda personal actually."

Liv leaned forward, steepling her hands on her desk. "Ok. You know I'm always here to listen."

Sonny nodded. "The thing is, there's someone who I'm seeing. . . "

Barba let out a muffled cough from beside him.

"Someone who I _want_ to be seeing," Sonny corrected himself. "Not technically seeing yet."

"You do know that you don't need my permission to date, Carisi. I know the job is pretty all-encompassing, but even so."

"Yeah well the thing is, this potential relationship has implications for the job. This person is connected to work."

"I see. Well let's talk it through, see if we can find a solution. But I still don't understand why Barba is here. Does Barba know her?"

Sonny swallowed. "Him. It's a him, not a her. And Barba _is_ him."

Liv's mouth hung open. Before she could say anything, Barba cut in.

" _Is he_ , not _is him_. 'To be' is an intransitive verb. I am he."

Sonny shot Barba a glare. Because seriously. Here he was trying to come out to his boss, and Barba was choosing now to correct his grammar?

Barba gave a shrug, as if to say, _you can't expect me to just turn it off_.

Liv was looking back and forth between them, stunned. "The two of you. . . . together . . ."

"Yes, the two of us," Barba said, squeezing Sonny's knee. "Problem?"

"No, I'm just surprised . . . Though now that I think about it, it makes perfect sense. And Carisi, I'm sorry that I assumed it was a woman. I never realized that you're . . ."

"Bi," Sonny supplied. "I never really brought it up at work before."

Liv stood up and reached out to give him a hug.

An hour, some paperwork, and a call to the EADA later, and they were getting up to leave.

"Rafael." There was a question embedded in Liv's statement, which Sonny couldn't quite decipher.

"Liv. I would have told you about us sooner, but I couldn't until we were ready to disclose."

Some sort of unspoken communication - between friends rather than colleagues - seemed to pass between Barba and Liv. Finally she nodded. "Ok you're excused for not telling me. But Rafael?"

"Yes?"

"All the men in New York and you had to choose one of my detectives?"

"He's one of a kind, Liv," Barba replied matter of factly.

Sonny felt his insides churn in an entirely pleasant way this time.

And when he and Barba stepped out into the squad room hand in hand, Rollins let out a whoop of joy.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This concludes the story, and the series. Thank you for the encouraging comments along the way!

That evening, Sonny and Barba began making out with a kind of new-found liberation as soon as they were through the door to Barba's apartment. Barba's hands were everywhere and his mouth insistent against Sonny's own. Sonny reveled in the attention, as well as in the feel of Barba under his palms.

After a few uncomfortable encounters between the doorknob and his back - an unintended consequence of their enthusiasm - Sonny managed to corral Barba against the adjacent wall. "Hey Barba," he said while catching a breath, "I know you said that you like using the wrist cuffs sometimes, but I was wondering if it would be ok if we didn't use them tonight. Maybe it's silly, but I want to feel your hands on me."

"Of course, Carisi. And that's not silly at all."

"Oh but that reminds me, I got you a present," Sonny said as he dug into his suit jacket pocket.

Barba's eyes widened in a sort of panic as he took in the small blue box.

"Oh no don't worry, it's not anything serious," Sonny said quickly. "I'm not, like, trying to propose to you on our first official day together."

Barba's features relaxed. "Yes that seemed a little overeager even for you. But still, you nearly gave me a heart attack with that Tiffany's box."

"One of my sisters left the box at my place. I just put your present in it for safekeeping today. Because, you know, you never want to have a not-safe-for-work gift falling out at the precinct."

Barba narrowed his eyes. "Carisi, are you telling me that you were carrying a _dirty_ gift for me around in your pocket all day?"

Sonny scratched at the back of his neck. "In retrospect, I guess it doesn't seem like the wisest idea."

"You think? Here, hand over my gift, Carisi."

Barba opened the small box and lifted out the set of nipple clamps, connected by a linked chain.

"Since you said that you enjoy stimulation there, I thought you might like these. But let me know if you don't want them. We don't have to use them. I just-"

"Carisi, you can stop rambling. They're perfect. I want to wear them tonight. Will you put them on me?"

Once Barba had peeled off his upper layers, Sonny crouched down to carefully affix the clamps one by one. Barba's breath hitched once, twice.

"How do they feel - do you want me to adjust them?"

"A bit tighter."

Barba hissed, his head falling back against the entryway wall, as Sonny tightened the screws slightly.

"How's that?"

"Just right."

Sonny felt himself practically buzzing with anticipation for the night ahead. "Come on, let's go to the bedroom," he said, starting to turn towards it.

"Brazen aren't you, telling me where to go in my own home." 

"I wasn't trying to - ". Sonny stopped once he caught the playful challenge in Barba's eye. "Maybe I was," he amended, a challenge of his own.

"How cute." Barba leaned back casually against the wall. Or as casually as one could while half-naked and sporting nipple clamps.

Sonny came back towards him, halting an arm's-width away. 

"Come here." It came out with less force than he intended, more a plea than anything. Barba just gave him an amused look.

Sonny reached out to grasp the chain fastened to Barba's chest. Tentatively at first, feeling the weight of it in his palm. Experimenting a bit, he moved his hand up and down and side to side. Barba squirmed against the wall slightly as his pants tented.

"I said, come here." With more confidence this time. 

Barba raised his chin. "Why don't you make me."

Why not indeed. And so Sonny gave a tug on the chain, brief but effective. Barba yelped as he tumbled off the wall and into his arms.

Sonny immediately tensed in worry, pulling away slightly to look down at Barba. "Was that too hard?"

"No, no, I'm good. It stings a little bit, but in a good way." 

Sonny could tell just how good from the way that Barba was now fully hard against him. Imagine all the other ways Barba might allow him to bestow a sting in future: A slight tug of the hair. A slap to the ass. Without his intending it to, Sonny's hand drifted down to rub circles against the latter.

"You can go ahead and do it," Barba said, as if reading his mind.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I'm sure you need to correct me for something, don't you?"

"Well you did criticize my grammar in front of Liv today, which was pretty uncalled for. I think you deserve a swat for that, don't you?"

Barba just hummed into his shoulder.

Sonny snaked an arm around Barba's waist to better hold him in place. "Tell me if you deserve it."

"Yes I deserve it for criticizing your grammar." Sonny felt himself grow harder at the admission.

Though of course Barba couldn't leave it at that. "But you did incorrectly use the direct object."

Sonny's hand came down with an answering crack that drove the ADA further against him. Barba let out a whimper and began to rock against his thigh.

"God, who would have thought that you of all people would get off on being brought in line. I fucking love it."

"And you're a fucking nerd to choose this to spank me over."

Sonny chuckled. "Come on, let's really go to the bedroom now, before we come prematurely over grammar."

After disentangling himself from Barba, Sonny hooked a finger in the chain again. He proceeded to back towards the bedroom, leading Barba after him in a forced trot. 

"I think you're enjoying your present," Sonny commented once they reached the bed, taking in Barba's uneven breathing and the flush spread across his skin.

"And I think you're enjoying this taste of power."

"Yes, well, these clamps turned out to be a present for me as much as for you," Sonny said as he fingered the chain. There was something about having Barba like a marionette on a string, his body compelled to follow Sonny's direction.

There was also something about the way Barba's large, soft hands were now moving over Sonny as they removed his clothes. Running down his back, squeezing his sides, and trailing over that sensitive region on his inner thighs.

The mutual exploration continued until they were both naked on the bed and Barba had been worked fully open.

The excitement of the moment had Sonny's energy pumping. He enthusiastically lifted Barba's legs over his shoulders and started leaning forward.

Suddenly Barba reached his hand out to stop him. "Carisi - Sonny - my body doesn't bend like that!"

"Oh God I'm so sorry!" Sonny stopped folding Barba in half and instead carefully lowered his legs. "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine, I just don't have your youthful flexibility." Barba turned his reddened face to the side, avoiding Sonny's gaze.

"Hey, Barba - I mean, Rafael. You don't need to feel embarrassed."

When Barba still wouldn't look up at him, Sonny gently tweaked the chain. He earned himself a bleat of surprise and Barba's eyes back on his.

"Sonny, I'm afraid my body is stiffer and slower than yours."

"Look Rafael, we'll just find a position that works better is all."

"Ok." 

Barba still looked a bit dejected. And so Sonny gave another tweak, a touch harder this time. 

"Ah!" Barba's back arched as he shivered.

"You're so gorgeous like this."

Slowly a smile returned to Barba's face.

When they finally fit together it was with Sonny seated back against the pillows and Barba straddling his lap. As they moved against each other, one of Rafael's arms wrapped firm across Sonny's back while the other hand clutched at his hair. Sonny pressed his cheek to Barba's as he lost himself in the feeling.

In the aftermath, Sonny lay sated and boneless on his back, in a contented fog. He was roused by a light scratching sensation on his abdomen.

Sonny opened his eyes and looked down to see Barba dragging the chain, now liberated, across his stomach.

"You're so soft," Barba directed at his belly, before placing open-mouthed kisses along the path the chain had traversed.

"When I was little my mom always used to say my skin was soft like a peach."

"Hmm I like that. My soft, sweet peach." 

Sonny closed his eyes again, focusing on the warm, wet ministrations. He found himself lulled into a sort of half sleep, until Barba's voice broke through.

"Carisi."

He ignored the sound at first.

"Sonny." It came more insistent this time. He opened his eyes to see Barba staring up at him intently.

"Hmm what is it?"

"Sonny I'm starving. I need you to fix it."

Sonny laughed, long and full. "I wanted to take you out for a nice dinner to celebrate. You're the one who made us skip dinner and bring the celebration right to bed."

Barba looked reflective. "Well you never said it was going to be a nice dinner. That might have changed my calculation."

"You're a classy guy, of course it would have been a nice dinner." 

"Classy or not right now I just need something to fill my stomach."

"I forgot that you get cranky when you're hungry. I guess this is going to be my problem now that we're together, isn't it? I'm going to have to start carrying around snacks for you all the time."

Barba responded with a nip to the skin above Sonny's belly button. "That's for sassing me. Though I would not be opposed to mobile snacks."

"You just want to date me so that I'll keep you fed." Secretly, though, Sonny was pleased at the idea of being able to care for Barba in some small way. "For now, let's order takeout."

Barba nodded up at him approvingly, his chin resting on Sonny's stomach. "Excellent idea. There's a pizza place down the street that delivers."

It was Sonny who went to the door some thirty minutes later to collect the pizza. He was now clad in a faded Harvard Law Review t-shirt and a pair of Barba's sweatpants that barely reached his ankles.

A pimply-faced delivery boy handed over the pizza.

"Hey do I know you from somewhere?" Sonny asked as he counted out the cash. The kid looked familiar, but it was hard to say from where, with all the people Sonny met on the job.

"I don't think so man. Maybe it's that you heard I became assistant manager at the pizza shop," the kid said proudly as he pointed to the title on his name tag. "My boss promoted me after I came up with a system for screening out prank orders."

"Good for you. So what did you get with the promotion - a raise? New responsibilities?"

The kid's expression fell. "Just the new name tag."

"Well you should ask your boss for something more. Argue you've made a valuable contribution," Sonny said while beginning to close the door. As much as he liked imparting wisdom to the younger generation, he had Barba waiting inside for him with mussed hair in soft pajamas.

"Thanks man, I shoulda thought of that. I should ask for that raise. Gosh, sometimes it turns out that something important's been sitting right in front of you the whole time."

"Yeah, sometimes it has been," Sonny agreed. "But the important thing's that you figure it out eventually."

After locking up behind him, Sonny turned with the pizza back towards the living room. Back to where Barba - _Rafael_ , he had to remind himself - was curled up on the sofa. And where Sonny would soon be nestled next to him under a blanket, in the spot that he never realized was right where he needed to be.


End file.
